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Mozo Zierski [userpic]
"Uh-huh, and where does trying to kill a regen fit into the 12 steps?"
by Mozo Zierski (hobbit_eyes)
at November 13th, 2008 (11:58 pm)

Title: Sylinder the Sitcom, episode 3
Words: 4,953
Rating: PG for hints dropped, maybe.
Warnings: Unstable levels of crack
Summary: Mohinder, Sylar, Lyle and Molly living together, with regular visits from the Petrellis, the Herreras and now Elle as well. Haha, I made a rhyme. OK, it's funnier than that. ICE-CREAM! FALLING PIANOS! TIME TRAVELLING TOASTERS!
Notes: This episode is not quite so standalone as the last two, so here are Episode 1 and Episode 2. Thanks to the wonderful people on the HoYay boards of TWOP for giving me half of these ideas, though they've probably forgotten most of them by now! Sorry for huge delay. I posted earlier parts of this on my LJ, but this is it complete for the first time. Set some vague time in AU after season 2. Also, it won an AWARD!

Mylewalkar apartment

Maya y Alejandro are babysitting Molly, who is drawing something on the floor with Maya, and Lyle, who is eating ice-cream at the table with Alejandro.

Lyle: - I mean, Claire’s OK, I guess, but lately she seems to cry a lot…

Alejandro: Oh, it could be a lot worse. Believe me.

Lyle: And she went and lost her car! She just left it sitting unlocked! Brand new Nissan Rogue and she just leaves it out for anyone to take.

Alejandro: What a coincidence! We drove from Mexico in a Nissan Rogue that a man had just picked up in California.

Lyle: … Probably just a coincidence.

The door opens, and Mohinder and Sylar walk in, both looking a little annoyed.

Maya: You’re back early! We haven’t even finished the carrot cake.

Molly: How was it?

Sylar: *mutters incoherently*

Maya: What?

Mohinder: Possibly not as good a choice as I could have made.

Flashback: A Broadway Theatre, during a production of Sweeney Todd

It’s right in the middle of a huge musical number. A few rows back from the front, Sylar and Mohinder are sitting, Sylar not looking very happy. Finally, Mohinder rolls his eyes.

Mohinder: What is it?

Sylar: Nothing! Nothing.

Mohinder: Something’s bothering you, just say it.

Sylar: Well… it was OK before he started killing indiscriminately. I mean, that doesn’t have any kind of class to it. And they’re just putting the brain in the pies with the rest of the body, I mean, that’s a total waste…

Mohinder: …

Sylar: … though his manipulation of Mrs Lovett is good, could be better, I know that when I was coming up here with Maya –

Mohinder: *getting embarrassed* Sylar…

Sylar: - but he should really have killed the kid from the beginning, you don’t want a liability like that, that’s why I got rid of Alejandro asap –

Mohinder: Sylar! Public place!

Sylar: Oops. Sorry.

Back to the Mylewalkar apartment

Molly: Well, you DID ask what was wrong.

Mohinder: No, we didn’t leave because of that.

Lyle: He complained more later?

Mohinder: No…

Back at the show

It’s the finale, a dramatic and intense scene. Everyone is watching, open-mouthed and enthralled. Except for –

Sylar: *applauding* Oh YES! THAT’S more like it! MORE BLOOD! MOOOORE!

Mohinder covers his face in his hands and shrinks down in his seat as people turn to watch, as Sylar leaps to his feet and stands on his chair and continues to yell encouragement.

Mylewalkar apartment

Maya: … oh dear.

Sylar: I don’t see what the big deal was…

Mohinder: You started yelling advice.

Sylar: Finally achieving a kill is a big moment! It can go to your head unless you know how to deal with it afterwards.

Mohinder: That’s it. Next time, we’re going to see Hairspray.

Molly: Papa Mohinder, can you help me with my science project?

Mohinder: Sure, what is it?

Molly: I’m trying to build something out of the toaster. A light that gets brighter as it cooks, or changes colour, or something.

Mohinder: That’s pretty ambitious…

Molly: Well, since submitting that college-standard essay on genetics and evolution, I think they might get suspicious unless I keep looking smart.

Mohinder goes to sit cross-legged on the rug next to her.

Sylar: Well, since you guys are doing that, I think I might… er… go for a walk.

Molly: Bring back more ice-cream! Lyle ate all the Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

Lyle: Only because you’d finished off the Cherry Garcia!

Maya: And I’m afraid I had all the Cookie Dough…

Alejandro: MAAAYAAA!

Sylar: OK, I’ll, er, be right back.

He walks out. Mohinder looks up as the door closes, shakes his head and tsks, then gets back to the toaster.

Molly: He’s not going to get ice-cream, is he?

Mohinder: He might pick some up when he’s finished.

Deserted street in New York

Peter walks along with a spring in his step.

Peter: I’m walking on sunshine! WHOOA-OOOA! I’m walking on sunshine! WHOOA-OOA! And don’t it feel –

A piano falls on top of him, crashing as it hits the ground. A few seconds later, he surfaces through the splintered wreckage, looking a little dazed, but then shrugs and keeps going.

Peter: - and don’t it feel good! HEY! *dances on down the street*

Sylar, sitting behind a fire hydrant, snaps his fingers in irritation. He opens a notebook labelled ‘WAYS TO KILL PETER PETRELLI’ and scratches out ’Plan 37 – Drop piano on him’.

Back at the Mylewalkar apartment

Sylar comes back in, with bags full of ice-cream.

Mohinder: Go well then, did it?

Sylar: Just take your Rocky Road.


New York Grocery Store

Lyle stands in the cashier queue with a couple of bottles of milk and some cookies, when Peter comes up behind him.

Peter: Hey Lyle! Do you know where the confectionary aisle is?

Lyle: Er, I think it’s round there.

Peter: Great! I’m babysitting Simon and Monty, and they say they ALWAYS have a big bar of Hersheys before bed, but they didn’t have any in the house so I had to come out and get some.

Lyle: … kids told you they always have chocolate?

Peter: Yeah!

Lyle: … and you left them alone to get it?

Peter: Yeah!

Lyle: … yeah, I think it’s just round that corner.

Peter: Great! Thanks!

He disappears off round the corner, then swiftly returns with four giant Hersheys bars.

Lyle: Do they really need two each?

Peter: No! One’s for me, and one’s for Nathan when he gets home.

Lyle: Ah.

Peter: So how are you finding living with Mohinder and Sylar? And New York? It’s a crazy city - you know, weirdest thing happened to me last night, I was just walking down the street and this PIANO –

Lyle: It’s not bad. But I was just wondering – you speak to my sister Claire a lot, right? Has she mentioned when Mom and Dad are going to come pick me up?

Peter: …… wait a minute, you’re Claire’s brother?

Lyle: Yeah! Who did you think I was?

Peter: I don’t know, I just …… I didn’t even know Claire HAD a brother! How crazy is that?

Lyle: What, she hasn’t ever mentioned me at all-?

Peter: No. Not once. At all.

Lyle: … oh.

Peter: I’m sure it’s nothing personal! I guess you just don’t really register to her when she’s off being a Hero and helping save the world and everything.

Lyle: …

Peter: Oh, I’m sorry! I mean HEROINE.

Lyle: …

The Mylewalkar Apartment – the Next Day

Molly and Mohinder are still sat on the rug with the toaster. Mohinder’s hair is starting to look somewhat askew, as he fiddles with various attachments now sticking out of the toaster, while Molly lies on her stomach and watches.

Molly: What’s that for?

Mohinder: That’s the resistor, it stops too much power going through.

Molly: What’s THAT for?

Mohinder: That’s an LED, it’ll light up.

Molly: And what’s THAT for?

Mohinder: … I’m not sure. But I’m sure I’ll think of something.

Lyle comes back in with the grocery bag.

Mohinder: Oh, you didn’t have to do that, Lyle-

Lyle: It’s fine. How’s it going?

Molly: I think Papa Mohinder is losing sight of the original aims of the project.

Mohinder: I’m not! I just think it could be more… more.

Lyle: … is that a barometer?

Mohinder: You might want to know the air pressure!

Lyle: While making toast??

Mohinder: You never know!

Molly: Whatever. Just don’t get carried away. Or I’ll have to start looking like a genius in geography and stuff as well.

Mohinder: Of course not. Now, we could really use a Japanese processor here, I wonder if Hiro would bring one over…

Lyle: Where’s Sylar?

Molly: Murderer rehab.

Lyle: What? There’s no such thing as murderer rehab, Molly.

Meanwhile, at Murderer Rehab

Sylar: Er, hi, everyone. I have a confession to make. Last night, I tried to kill Peter Petrelli again.

There are concerned and commiserating murmurs from the circle.

Sylar: Yeah. There I was, doing so well – but sometimes, it just gets too much, and next thing I know I’m stealing an antique piano to drop on someone’s head.

Group co-ordinator: *nodding understandingly* It happens to the best of us.

Sylar: He regenerated, at least. And the piano was succumbing to dry rot quite badly.

Group co-ordinator: Still, this does denote an underlying problem that has to be addressed –

Sylar: AND he was singing ‘Walking on Sunshine’.

Group co-ordinator: Oh, that’s quite all right then.

Elle: Hey! You weren’t so understanding when I lapsed the other week!

Group co-ordinator: The circumstances were quite different, Miss Bishop. Mr Sylar dropped a piano in a comedic fashion on an annoying regenerateable person. You, however, zapped seven Girl Scouts.

Elle: They shouldn’t be selling those cookies if they don’t know how to haggle properly.

The Mylewalkar Apartment

Mohinder is on the phone to someone when Sylar re-enters. The Herreras have joined them too.

Mohinder: - so you know the part I mean? Fantastic – what time can you get here? No, you don’t have to come now, I haven’t –

Hiro appears out of nowhere in the middle of the apartment.

Mohinder: … tidied up yet… Hi, Hiro.

Hiro: Hello Dr Suresh! Here is your microprocessor.

Mohinder: Brilliant, thank you.

Molly: Is that for the toaster??

Mohinder: … no, this is for… another science project… involving… toasters… HI SYLAR HOW WAS REHAB.

Molly: I knew I should have stuck with making a key chain.

Sylar: It was OK. Elle keeps snarking at me, though.

Mohinder: Do you want me to go and talk to Bob about it?

Sylar: No, I’ll be fine…

Lyle, meanwhile, is talking to Alejandro.

Lyle: … so when Maya ran off with Sylar, that must have been pretty rough, huh?

Alejandro: Considering I was dead, yes, it wasn’t great.

Lyle: I mean, she just took off? Without a thought for you?

Alejandro: Well… no. She was leaving so that I could go home. She thought I hated her. And she asked Molly to find me.

Lyle: Oh. Guess it’s just Claire who doesn’t think about me, then…

Hiro, who has eagerly been watching Mohinder adding yet more attachments to the toaster, hears this and turns.

Hiro: You are Claire’s brother? Claire the Cheerleader, save her, save the world?

Lyle: Yeah, that’s me. I don’t relate to the saving of the world in any way, though.

Hiro: Wow! I did not know she had a brother!

Lyle: Yeah, surprises all round. She’s the special one, I’m just… well, an extra sibling.

Hiro: What? You do not have to have powers to be special! Take my friend Ando!

He disappears briefly and then reappears, holding the shoulder of Ando, who has wet hair and a towel wrapped round his waist. He blinks and yells. Mohinder claps his hands over Molly’s eyes.

Hiro: (cont’d) He have no powers, yet he go to confront Sylar!

Sylar: It’s true. And still hilarious.

Hiro: He very special person! But he have no powers either!

Ando: (in Japanese) Hiro! How many times? You can’t just grab me and teleport me somewhere without asking!

Hiro: (in Japanese) But I needed to make a point! And at least we are indoors this time. And you have a towel.

Ando: (in Japanese) These people are strangers!

Hiro: (in Japanese) No they’re not! You know Sylar!

Ando: (in Japanese) I can’t believe you did this, you could have least let me grab some pants –

Hiro: (in Japanese) Your physique is nothing to be ashamed of. Your Buns of Steel video is taking good effect.

Mohinder: Uh – there are spare clothes in that room there, if you want.

Ando: Thank you.

Ando runs off, mortified, into Mohinder’s room. Molly, meanwhile, looks thoughtful.

Molly: Hiro – can I have a word?...

The Mylewalkar apartment, the next afternoon

Sylar is knitting and Molly is watching TV in the living room, when there is the sound of a small explosion and a yelp from the next room. A few seconds later, Mohinder sticks his head out, vaguely sooty-faced and with curls sticking out.

Mohinder: Er, Sylar – little help?

He holds out a burning cushion. Sylar raises an eyebrow over his knitting, but shoots some ice at it, then returns to the clicking needles.

Mohinder: Thanks.

Mohinder vanishes back into the room.

Sylar: When does that toaster have to be ready?

Molly: Oh, the project was actually due this morning. I just didn’t want to ruin Papa Mohinder’s fun.

Sylar: It was?

Molly: Don’t worry. I had something else to use.

FLASHBACK: Molly’s classroom

Molly is standing at the front of the classroom with what looks like a normal box.

Molly: Hi! Now you may think this is just a normal box. But it’s actually an origami-folding device.

People stare blankly.

Molly: I’ll show you. See, I take this normal sheet of paper and put it in the box – press this button on the side –

She presses a drawn-on red circle on the side labelled ‘FOLD BUTTON’. At that instant, time freezes. Hiro climbs in through the window, opens the box, folds the paper into an origami crane, replaces the lid and leaps back out the window. Time unfreezes.

Molly: - and then take the lid off and voila!

She takes out the origami crane and shows everyone.

Teacher: Uh… very good, Molly, but what’s the scientific merit?

Molly: Uh… it’s a bit too complicated to explain.

Teacher: But how does it even work??

Molly: I’m not at liberty to divulge that till my patent has cleared, miss.

Back to the Mylewalkar apartment

Meanwhile, Lyle, Alejandro and now Ando as well are sitting at the dinner table chatting.

Ando: (to Molly) Did Hiro say when he was coming back to get me?

Molly: He said he just wanted to jump forwards to the future and check we weren’t doomed again yet.

Alejandro: Considerate.

Ando: He doesn’t take me time-travelling any more!

Lyle: Claire never took me on any of her ‘adventures’ either. Not even when I knew about her powers.

Alejandro: Hey, at least she didn’t take you and then ditch you to be killed by an evil monster. (to Sylar) No offence.

Sylar: (not looking up from knitting) None taken.

Ando: He killed you? He tried to kill me once too.

Sylar: (still not looking up) Tortured. Difference.

Ando: Right.

Lyle: Wow, he never tried anything with me…

Sylar: (still not looking up) You were at school.

Lyle: Right, I – what?

Ando: Thing is, Hiro would have been captured by Linderman if I hadn’t been there.

Lyle: And I hit a guy holding our family hostage with a baseball bat!

Alejandro: And I – well – I carried some of Maya’s stuff.

Ando: …

Lyle: Point is, we’re just as competent! Even if we don’t happen to have powers! We could totally help save thje world next time, if they’d just give us the chance and let us help them.

Ando: Why help them? We could save the world on our own!

Lyle: Yes! And we won’t get distracted by creepy flying boys!

Ando: Or red-headed waitresses!

Alejandro: Or creepy murderers we just find in the middle of the road! No offence.

Sylar: None taken.

Lyle: Awesome! Let’s DO THIS!

He raises a hand to high-five, which Ando joins in enthusiastically, while Alejandro looks temporarily a bit confused before trying one. Sylar, meanwhile, puts his knitting to one side and stands up, stretching.

Sylar: You have fun with that, kids. I’m just going out.

Molly: More ice-cream?

Sylar: … what else?

Ext: Peter Petrelli’s apartment

Sylar is crouched on the fire escape outside Peter Petrelli’s window, where Peter is sitting on the couch watching ‘Lassie’, with a catapult and some drawing pins. He is carefully shooting them in at him so they hit his back, at which he yelps and swats at them, looking around wildly, but eventually gives up and looks back to the screen. Of course, he regenerates and they fall to the floor. He also humming in a high-pitched way.

Elle climbs up behind him and looks over his shoulder.

Elle: Ah, the mind of a deranged serial killer is truly a terrifying thing.

Sylar: You climbed all the way up here just to snark?

Elle: You’re judging me?

Sylar: Only always. Anyway, injuring Peter Petrelli is a controlled way of releasing urges. Like a nicotine patch. I get what I want, but with no lasting harm for anyone else.

Elle: Uh-huh. And where does repeatedly trying to kill a regen fit into the 12 steps?

Sylar: Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

Elle shrugs and shoots a small bolt at Peter, who yelps but still doesn’t look round.

Elle: Hmm. It IS strangely satisfying.

Sylar: See? I think we should suggest it next meeting.

Elle: Petrelli Therapy. I like it. But what happened to the pianos?

Sylar: It got kind of old. See, the humming makes him think it’s just a bug of some kind. So I can keep hitting him with drawing pins till he moves.

Elle: But why drawing pins?

Sylar: Just wait…

He pulls out a phone and starts dialling. A second later, Peter’s mobile rings.

Peter: Peter Petrelli World Saving Service?

Sylar: (putting on Southern accent) Howdy, Peter! You’re live on S-Y-L-A-R Radio!

Peter: WOW!

Sylar: And you’re in with the chance of winning $50,000! All you have to do is stand up and dance on the spot!

Peter: WOW! OK!

Peter jumps up and starts dancing – and immediately treads on all the drawing pins littering the floor.

Sylar: Now Peter, you’ve got to keep dancing for FIVE MINUTES!

Peter: Ow! – OK! – ow –

Elle: *grabbing the phone* AND sing a song!

Peter: OW – Twinkle twinkle – ow – little –

Elle: About HATS!

Peter: – er – hat – OW - how I wonder – OW – er – where you’re at – OW – up above – ow – my head – ow – so high – owww – like a – er – giant hat – OW – in the – ow – sky –

Sylar and Elle are fighting hard not to laugh as Peter continues to dance crazily, step on more drawing pins, and sing a song about hats. This is a good five minutes for them. But sadly, it must come to an end.

Peter: - twinkle twinkle little hat owwwwww how I wonder where you’re at CAN I STOP NOW?

Sylar: Hmmm, that was TECHNICALLY 4 minutes and 58 seconds…

Peter, so full of horror that he’s forgotten to get off the patch of floor with drawing pins, looks like he’s about to cry.

Sylar: … but I guess we can let him through, can’t we, Sandy?

Elle: I think we can cut him a break, Steve!

Sylar: Congratulations, Mr Petrelli! You’re through to the next round!

Peter: WOW! … Next round?

Sylar: We’ll call again tomorrow evening with the NEXT thing you have to do in order to win that $50,000!

Peter: That… was only the first round?

Sylar: Well, if you want to drop out now –

Peter: No! It’ll be fine! Um. Talk to you tomorrow, then!

Sylar: You can count on it!

He hangs up and immediately runs away with Elle, down the fire escape, down the street and round the corner, where they collapse to the ground and rofl.

Sylar: That’ll do me for a while.

Elle: What now?

Sylar: Now, we get ice-cream.

They get up and walk away.

Sylar: And never call me Steve again.

Mylewalkar Apartment – Following day

Lyle, Ando and Alejandro are sitting at the table, drawing up a list of Ways to Save the World.

Lyle: So, what’s wrong with the world that we can fix?

Ando: Uhh… the environment?

Lyle: Nah, I think Bono and Al Gore have that covered.

Alejandro: War?

Lyle: A good idea, but I don’t know what we could do about that…

Ando: We can promise not to invade Iran!

Lyle: … what, us three?

Ando: It’s a start!

Alejandro: … I’m cool with not invading Iran?

Lyle: … OK… item one of our manifesto: ‘We promise not to invade Iran.’

Ando: *beams*

Lyle: Anything else? Anything more… manageable?

Alejandro: You have Starbucks everywhere. I think they’re trying to take over.

Ando: Yes! We can stop them!

Lyle: How?

Ando: … we can not buy coffee from them!

Alejandro: EVER!

Lyle: … Item 2: ‘We will not help finance Starbucks’ long-term plan of world domination.’ Anything ELSE?

Ando: Well, what do you suggest?

Lyle: Well… I’ve always thought they should have hamster-powered power stations.

Alejandro: … and Starbucks was ridiculous to you.

Lyle: They run around on wheels all the time anyway! We might as well get some good out of it.

Ando: Well, we could start a project for it at Yamagato?

Lyle: Awesome!

Mohinder comes past to the kitchen to get more burn cream for his hands.

Alejandro: Mohinder! You can still walk?

Mohinder: Hey! I’m taking 5-minute breaks from the toaster every hour.

Ando: They just happen to be every one hour in six?

Mohinder: I’m taking a break now, aren’t I?

Molly: Yes, but that’s because Sylar wanted to weld something and you were getting in the way.

Mohinder: I’m… finish your homework, Molly. Lyle, don’t you have homework to do?

Lyle: Why does it matter? I’m not going back to my old school anyway.

Mohinder: Of course you are-

Lyle: Yeah? When’s my dad coming to pick me up?

Mohinder: … so, hamster-powered power stations? That’s a novel idea…

There’s a knock on the door, and Molly runs to open it – Nathan and Peter come in.

Peter: SYLAR!

Sylar: *concentrating on toaster* Oh, hey, Peter.

Peter: … SYLAR!

Sylar: Yeah?


Sylar: Mm. Yup.


Sylar: Sure.


Sylar: Can you keep it down? I’m trying to concentrate.

Peter: … Nathan, he’s not doing it right…

Nathan pats him reassuringly on the shoulder.

Nathan: Hey, Mohinder. How’s the project going?

Mohinder: It’s great! I just installed another motherboard and Hiro fetched me some more special parts, they were kinda rare so he had to go to some backstreet to find them, and Sylar’s been working on it for a few minutes, I’ll be interested to see how it works now…

Nathan: Uh-huh, uh-huh. What are you expecting it to do when it’s finished?

Mohinder: I have no idea! That’s what’s so exciting!

Suddenly, Peter’s phone rings. He fumbles excitedly to answer it.

Peter: Hello?! … Oh man! Guys, it’s S-Y-L-A-R radio again!

Sylar looks up and sees Elle waving maniacally from the fire escape, phone held to one ear.

Sylar: Excuse me.

And he runs out the door.

Peter: Yes, I’m still interested in the money! … Yes, I still have tacks in my feet, I seem to have healed around them. So what do I have to do this week?

Molly spots out the window Sylar clambering along the fire escape to join Elle, who whispers something in his ear, prompting an expression of shocked awe.

Peter: Outside the door? OK…

He opens the door and finds a loaf of bread. Molly sees Sylar and Elle having a furious silent argument outside, and tugging the phone between the two of them.

Peter: You want me to put that where?...

Sylar finally snatches the phone and smacks Elle upside the head, looking very disapproving. Elle rolls her eyes.

Peter: OH, OK, for a second I thought you said – yeah, I thought that’d be a bit… so, I just have to eat it all? And then you’ll call me back? OK… OK, I’ll talk to you soon.

He hangs up, picks up the loaf of bread, opens it and starts on the first slice, with no explanation for any of the others, who just look at each other with raised eyebrows. A minute or so later, Sylar and Elle come in the door, trying to look innocent.

Sylar: Why look who I came across completely randomly when I left the apartment a short while ago for a perfectly good reason that I do not care to share at this current time.

Elle: It was such a random meeting that I am more aware than ever of what a small world we live in HAHAHA HI PETER and how we are all connected.

Sylar: It’s very moving.

Elle: It truly is. Is that carrot cake?

They walk over to the kitchen keeping the innocent looks and postures, trying not to look over at Peter, who is now happily into his third slice.

Mohinder: Sylar…

Sylar: Oh look Mohinder the toaster’s unattended.

Mohinder: The toaster! *scampers off*

Molly comes over to look at Alylejando’s manifesto.

Molly: Wow. Can you make there be a High School Musical 4?

Lyle: How exactly will that save the world?

Molly: It won’t make it worse, will it?

Lyle: Matter of opinion.

Molly: I know where you sleep.

Lyle: Is that supposed to be a threat?

Molly: I will ALWAYS know where you sleep.

Lyle: … OK, we’ll call Zac Efron.

Peter: Nathaaaan? The carbs are going to my hips, I can feel them…

Nathan: Why don’t you just stop eating?

Peter: Maybe…

Sylar and Elle look at each other in horror. Elle pulls out her phone and swiftly dials while Sylar leaps in front of her and stands with his legs planted far apart and his hands on his hips, blocking her from view.

Nathan: What are you doing?

Sylar: … stretching the seams of my clothes?

Peter’s phone rings and he answers it.

Peter: Hello? … Keep eating? Do I really have to? Can’t I just dance on tacks again? The carbs – no, of course I want the money! OK… I’ll keep going…

He despondently hangs up and, a few seconds later, Elle follows suit. Sylar returns to standing normally.

Sylar: Yeah. You have to do that every few days, or they… crumple.

Blank stares.

Sylar: What, you’ve never heard of crumply seams? Major fashion faux pas.

Molly: Oh yeah, it’s totally true. Sharpay calls Gabriella on it in High School Musical 2.

Everyone shrugs and turns away while Sylar sidles over to Molly.

Sylar: You totally get to choose the ice-cream flavours, like – FOREVER.

Molly: Eh. It’s not like anyone’s going to check.

Elle: Hey, what’s the manifesto?

Alejandro: We’re going to save the world!

Elle: With… hamsters, anti-Starbucks and Zac Efron?

Ando: We’re not going to invade Iran either!

Elle: Wow. You’re modern day Gandhis.

Suddenly, Hiro pops back into the room.

Hiro: Ando! Good news! The future is not doomed!

Ando: Really? You checked everywhere?

Hiro: Well, I stopped short of five years. I did not want to ruin all the surprises!

Lyle: Were there hamster-powered power stations?

Hiro: … what?

Ando: So everything’s OK?

Hiro: Yes! So as long as no-one else travels in time, we should be OK!

Suddenly, Mohinder barges through the cluster of people around the table.

Mohinder: 'Scuse me people the toaster's at a very delicate stage and it needs a spoon and I'm not sure why it needs a spoon but it just does and if it doesn't get it badness will happen.

Sylar: Elle, just a quick question, where did you get the bread?...

Elle: Oh! I found it in Times Square.

Hiro: What?? You took the sliced bread from Times Square?

Elle: Yeah! I figured if you’re going to make Fallout Boy eat a loaf of bread, it might as well be Street Bread…

Hiro: But that’s -

They turn round to find Peter popping the bread into the toaster.

Peter: What? Plain bread is getting boring.

Mohinder: The toaster!!!

Mohinder leaps for it, and Sylar leaps after him to shove Peter out of the way and try to keep him calm.

Mohinder: He, he, he used it and it’s not done –

Sylar: It’s OK, Mohinder!

Peter: Hey, my toast!

Sylar: *snatching bread* Whoa, back off Tack Dancer!

Elle: Hiro, what’s wrong with the bread?

Hiro: It’s not just ordinary bread, it’s –

Mohinder and Sylar just manage to tear the toaster away from Peter, when suddenly it dings, the toast pops up – and they disappear.

Hiro: - time travelling bread…

Peter stares in horror at where Mohinder, Sylar, the toaster and the bread just were.


Nathan: No.

Elle: Yes.

Nathan: No he didn’t! Peter, you –

Peter: DON’T LIE TO ME, NATHAN! I’m a MONSTER! I don’t even know what powers I HAVE any more! I – I EVAPORATED DR SURESH!

Elle: Yeah, it’s really terrible. I think we should lock him up.

Nathan: Elle! Peter, you didn’t do anything…

Peter collapses wailing to the floor on the spot where Mohinder and Sylar just disappeared, while Nathan rolls his eyes and goes to pat his shoulder. Lyle turns to Molly.

Lyle: Where did they go?

Molly is already trying to use her power, and frowning.

Molly: I don’t know…

17th Century London, England

Mohinder and Sylar pop into view in the middle of a street alongside the River Thames, crowded by carriages and people in olde-tymey clothes. They stand very still, aware that something is different, and slowly look around.

Sylar: Oh my God.

Mohinder: I know.

Sylar: Oh my GOD.

Mohinder: I know, I don’t what’s happened, but we’ll –

Sylar: That giant clock is HALF A SECOND OUT OF SYNC.

Mohinder turns to see Sylar staring, open-mouthed in horror, at Big Ben.

Sylar: How can these people STAND IT?

Mohinder: I don’t know, but – but Sylar, we have to work out how to get home, I think the toaster – Sylar, where are you going?

Sylar: I was clearly sent back for a reason!

Mohinder: To fix the giant clock?? No, we were most likely sent back because of Peter being stupid and – goodness, have I built a time travelling toaster?

Sylar: Call it making the best of a bad situation!

Mohinder: This is much better than anything my father did… but wait, Sylar! You could change history!

Sylar: Yes! It’ll be counted right!

He runs off down the street, and Mohinder can do nothing but run after him. Just before they are lost from view, a blond man emerges from a bar and sees them, and stares after them, horror growing on his face.

Adam: Oh, HELL no…


Thanks to everyone who voted for me in the mylar_fic awards! I really wasn't expecting to win, so it meant a lot :D And also thanks to this girl for making a bunch of icons for Sylinder!